The latin root of the word addiction, “addicere,” means a slave to a master. Addiction to alcohol and drugs is pervasive in our society, impacting all socioeconomic levels. Wealthy families are not exempt. In specific ways, wealth can complicate the recovery process. Through story, I will illustrate the concept of enabling behavior which supports the continuation of addiction.
Meet the Smiths. Mr. and Mrs. Smith have three adult children, one son and two daughters. All three children receive quarterly distributions from a trust. The two oldest children are college educated with successful careers and family lives. However, Chloe, the youngest daughter struggles. Chloe is twenty-three years old, a college drop out and has not held a job for more than a few months at a time. Relationships are her priority and she dates abusive men who take advantage of her access to family money.
The trouble began in high school when Chloe began experimenting with alcohol and drugs. Experimentation led to abuse. Abuse led to dependence. Chloe’s parents attempted to support their daughter by bailing her out of every drama she found herself in. This bailing out is enabling behavior. The parents meant to help Chloe. In actuality, Chloe never experienced the full consequences of her choices.
At one point Chloe was arrested for driving under the influence (DUI). Her drivers license was suspended, and she was ordered to attend remedial education classes on drinking and driving. During the costly legal process of the DUI, Chloe continued to drink and drive, eventually causing an accident where others were injured. With family reputation openly at risk, the two older siblings confronted the parents about the enabling behavior and invited them to seek help.
The Smith family hired a firm specializing in providing interventions for chemical dependent members of affluent families. The firm engaged the parents, siblings, in-laws, nieces and nephews, former employers and friends of Chloe. Each of these people were asked to write a letter to Chloe describing in specific language the ways Chloe’s alcohol/drug use had caused pain. All of this preparatory activity, in the form of three meetings and a rehearsal, were conducted without Chloe’s knowledge. The timing of the information delivery is done to maximize the emotional impact on Chloe during a face-to-face intervention meeting.
In addition, the intervention firm made arrangements for Chloe to be admitted to an alcohol/drug treatment center, including transportation.
On the day of the intervention the Smiths and their friends gathered with the interventionist at the parents home. Chloe had been invited to lunch. When she arrived, she was surprised to see everyone gathered, including the interventionist. The interventionist told Chloe all of these people had gathered because they loved her and each had something important to tell her.
One by one, each person present read their letter of how Chloe’s alcohol/drug use had affected them in painful ways. Each letter was loving and not condemning. Each letter asked that Chloe seek help for her problem.
At first Chloe wanted to bolt, but with skilled interjections, the interventionist calmed Chloe’s raging emotions so she could stay and hear everyone out. By the conclusion of the sharing Chloe agreed to enter treatment.
This is a simple story and a hopeful one. Addiction stories vary in length and depth. There are many affluent families who suffer for generations from the debilitating effects of addiction. It is liberating to know intervention is possible no matter what stage of suffering a family is experiencing. It is never too late to learn about enabling behavior. Healing comes when we allow our loved ones to experience the true consequences of their problem and get appropriate and skilled help.
