Around the time of Michael Jackson’s death I found myself thinking about Narcissism and the way wealth brings an intensity that can lead to celebrity drama.
Narcissism is a psychological term that comes from a character in greek mythology. Punished for too much self love, Narcissus is condemned to fall in love with his own image. In other words, his self love is taken to a higher level. He falls IN love with himself and must suffer the pain of unrequited longing.
Narcissism is not necessarily a bad quality. Self love coupled with “in love with self” creates a kind of charisma often fueling great success. Many founders of businesses, celebrities, politicians, and sports figures possess strong narcissistic tendencies that accounts in large part for their achievements. They are driven by a deep inner commitment which fuels their ability to stay the course against obstacles thwarting their vision.
The concern is DEGREE. Too much narcissism leads to an over-focus of self above others. Behavior becomes grandiose and empathy is crippled. The best way to describe this narcissistic quality is to stick to the key image in the greek myth. Narcissus falls in love with himself and is doomed to the pain of unrequited love. Meaning, he can never fulfill his love because he can never split himself into two beings. This inner pain fixates the attention on the inner relationship of self with self. As if there is a painful drama between two lovers on the INSIDE.
When thinking of narcissism in this image, Michael Jackson comes to mind. The drama of his childhood coupled with his genius talent manifested into a potential narcissism. Robert B. Millman, professor of psychiatry at the Weill Cornell Medical College of Cornell University coined the term, acquired situational narcissism (ASN). ASN is awakened by a celebrity-obsessed society that falls “in love with” a celebrity and plays out the “unrequited pain” of an unachievable love. The inner drama of narcissism becomes an outer drama as well. The seed of Michael Jackson’s childhood narcissism was exacerbated by ASN. In other words, wealth and fame fed the flaw which led Michael Jackson’s personality into a rarified and painful lifestyle.
What can families of wealth learn from Michael Jackson? In an article with my co-author Megan Wells, we illuminated the challenge of wealth as an intensifier to normal life processes. SEE: THE INTENSITY OF WEALTH in Private Wealth Magazine, August 2008.
Wealthy people are judged as free from the financial struggles most have to deal with, in the form of mortgages, education, health care and retirement. Americans also dream that getting rich will bring personal as well as public power. The fantasy of wealth has an irrational halo. As if wealth will free us from the curses of being human and grant health, beauty, wisdom and love.
In truth, wealth brings intensity. The Latin word, intensus, means stretched tightly, or strained. Imagine wealth as a helium balloon floating free high above life’s cares. Yet inside the balloon, the helium-filled interior is stretched to capacity, making the skin vulnerable to explosion. The breeze may be gentle, the trees and birds beautiful, but because of the stress within the balloon, these external events are now potential threats. The balloon may be free, but the intense pressure profoundly alters the experience of the situation.
Michael Jackson’s life was like the balloon. He was lifted, almost worshipped, by a hungry adoring public. His inner love drama enflamed by ASN, and the experience of both these challenges intensified by wealth.
Though Michael Jackson’s case is extreme, families of wealth can learn from his example. Wealth holders can ask themselves in what ways does the intensity of wealth affect the inner dramas of their families and relationships. Is there any narcissism in the family? Has that narcissism been exacerbated by ASN? The first step to unraveling any family challenge is to gain insight into underlying unaddressed issues. Once the narcissism and intensity are named, it is possible to change enabling and grandiose behaviors.
Look for an upcoming post on the impact of entitlement on family systems.
